I HAVE FEW DOUBTS.....

1. When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? (to be given a thought)
2. If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the
whole airplane made out of that stuff? (very good thinking)
3. Who copyrighted the copyright symbol? (who knows)
4. Can you cry under water? (let me try)
5. Why do people say, "you've been working like adog" when dogs just sitaround all day? (I
think they meant something else)
6. Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed? (God knows)
7. Do fish ever get thirsty? (let me ask and tell)
8. Can you get cornered in a round room? (by ones eyes)
9. Why do birds not fall out of trees when they sleep? (tonight I will stay and watch)
10. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oilis made from vegetables,then what is baby
oil made from? (No comments)
11. What should one call a male ladybird? (No comments)
12. If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured would they rememberthat they
forgot? (can somebody help )
13. Can you blow a balloon up under water? (yes u can)
14. Why is it called a "building" when it is already built? (strange isn't it)
15. If you were traveling at the speed of sound and you turned on your radio would you be !
Able to hear it? (got to think scientifically)
16. If you're traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what
happens?
17. Why is it called a TV set when theres only one? (very nice)
18. Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can't go
that fast on any road?
19. If drink drive is not allowed why the hell they have parking in Bars?

U P (WORD IN ENGLISH LANGUAGE)

Lovers of the English language might enjoy this. It is yet another example of why people learning English have trouble with the language. Learning the nuances of English makes it a difficult language. (But then, that's probably true of many languages.)
There is a two-letter word in English that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that word is 'UP.' It is listed in the dictionary as being used as an [adv], [prep], [adj], [n] or [v].


It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?
At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ? Why do we speak UP, and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP our friends and we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. < /B >
At other times the little word has a real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.

To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special. And this up is confusing:
A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.

We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP !

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP , look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4 of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions

If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP . When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it wets UP the earth. When it does not rain for awhile, things dry UP.

One could go on & on, but I'll wrap it UP , for now ........my time is UP , so time to shut UP!

Oh...one more thing:
What is the first thing you do in the morning
Get UP

ENGLISH LANGUAGE

English Language
1. 'I am.' is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
2. Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of their unwanted people without
killing them use to burn their houses down - hence the expression 'to get
fired.'
3. Dreamt is the only English word that ends in the letters 'mt.'
4. Facetious and abstemious contain all the vowels in the correct order, as does
arsenious, meaning 'containing arsenic.'
5. In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts. So in old England, when
customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them to mind their own pints
and quarts and settle down. It's where we get the phrase 'mind your P's and
Q's.'
6. In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When
you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep
on. That's where the phrase, 'goodnight, sleep tight' came from.
7. It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open. (DON'T try this at home!)
8. It was the accepted practice in Babylon, 4,000 years ago, that for a month
after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the
mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer, and because their calendar was
lunar based, this period was called the 'honey month' or what we know today as
the 'honeymoon.'
9. Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim or
handle of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle
to get some service. 'Wet your whistle,' is the phrase inspired by this
practice.
10. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver or purple.
11. Stewardesses is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.
12. The combination 'ough' can be pronounced in nine different ways. The following
sentence contains them all: 'A rough-coated, dough-faced, thoughtful ploughman
strode through the streets of Scarborough; after falling into a slough, he
coughed and hiccoughed.'
13. The dot over the letter 'i' is called a tittle.
14. The longest one-syllable words in the English language are screeched and
scratched.
15. The longest place-name still in use is
Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakapikimaungahoronukupo
-kaiwenuakitnatahu, a New Zealand hill.
16. The longest word in the English language, according to the Oxford English
Dictionary, is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis. The only other
word with the same amount of letters is
pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconioses, its plural.
17. The name Jeep came from the abbreviation used in the army for the 'General
Purpose' vehicle, G.P.
18. The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is
uncopyrightable.
19. The phrase 'rule of thumb' is derived from an old English law which stated
that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
20. The term 'the whole 9 yards' came from W.W.II fighter pilots in the Pacific.
When arming their airplanes on the ground, the .50 caliber machine gun ammo
belts measured exactly 27 feet, before being loaded into the fuselage. If the
pilots fired all their ammo at a target, it got 'the whole 9 yards.'
21. The word 'Checkmate' in chess comes from the Persian phrase 'Shah Mat,' which
means 'the king is dead'.
22. The word 'set' has more definitions than any other word in the English
language.
23. There are only four words in the English language which end in '-dous'
tremendous, horrendous, stupendous and hazardous.
24. There is a seven letter word in the English language that contains ten words
without rearranging any of its letters, 'therein': the, there, he, in, rein,
her, here, ere, therein, herein.
25. To 'testify' was based on men in the Roman court swearing to a statement made
by swearing on their testicles.
26. Underground is the only word in the English language that begins and ends with
the letters 'und.'

Funny English

____________________________________________________________
English
Can you read these right the first time?
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce .

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present .

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row .

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work
slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick'
You lovers of the English language might enjoy this . .



There is a two-letter word that perhaps
has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP.'

It's easy to understand UP , meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report ?

We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.

And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP ! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP , look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP , you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP.

When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.

When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP , for now my time is UP , so............ Time to shut UP.....!